The Sound That Changed My Life

I heard her before I saw her.

I was working a college job fair, standing behind our company’s booth in this packed auditorium, hundreds of students, dozens of recruiters, everyone talking at once.

And then I heard it.

A laugh so distinctive it cut through everything. Clear. Genuine. Completely uninhibited.

The kind of laugh that makes you stop what you’re doing and turn around because you want to know what could possibly be that funny.

I turned toward the sound and saw a woman surrounded by a group of tall engineering students, clearly enjoying whatever they were talking about. She was animated, engaged, fully present in that moment.

And I thought: I need to meet this person.

The “No” That Wouldn’t Let Me Go

When she eventually made her way to our booth, I gave her my best recruiting pitch. Told her about the opportunities, the career development, all the polished talking points I’d been using all day.

She listened. Asked really thoughtful questions. Made me think harder about my answers than most candidates did.

And then she said no.

Not interested.

Most recruiters would have moved on to the next candidate. There were plenty of other people at that job fair. Plenty of other engineers looking for opportunities.

But something about that “no” stuck with me.

She wasn’t dismissing us rudely. She wasn’t being difficult for the sake of being difficult. She just had her own ideas about what she wanted. And she wasn’t going to compromise on that just because I gave a good pitch.

The Pursuit That Taught Me Everything

Over the next few months, we kept running into each other at various professional events. Same industry. Overlapping networks.

And every single time, we’d have these incredible conversations about engineering, about career goals, about what we wanted out of life.

And every single time, I’d subtly suggest she should consider joining our company.

And every single time, she’d politely decline.

This went on for months. Long enough that my colleagues started giving me grief about my “recruitment strategy.” Long enough that I started wondering if I was being ridiculous.

But I couldn’t shake the feeling that this person, this woman who asked hard questions and didn’t just accept the first offer put in front of her, was exactly the kind of person we needed.

When “No” Finally Became “Yes”

Eventually, something shifted.

Maybe it was timing. Maybe our company’s needs finally aligned with what she was actually looking for. Or maybe and  this is what I think really happened. I finally learned how to listen to what she wanted instead of just pitching what we had to offer.

She joined the team.

And twenty-plus years later, she’s still challenging my assumptions. Still asking the hard questions. Still making me think differently about everything.

Oh, and somewhere along the way, she became my wife.

The People Who Make You Better

Looking back, I realize that some of the best partnerships, whether in business or in life, start with someone who doesn’t immediately say yes to your first offer.

The people who push back. Who ask harder questions. Who make you work a little bit to earn their trust and interest.

They’re often exactly the ones you want on your team.

They’re not being difficult. They’re showing you that they think for themselves.

And honestly? That’s the trait that matters most.

The Danger of Surrounding Yourself with “Yes”

In my consulting work, I see this pattern all the time:

Leaders gravitate toward people who quickly agree with them. It’s human nature, it feels good when someone immediately sees the brilliance in what you’re proposing. It’s validating. It’s comfortable.

But here’s what I’ve learned: a team full of people who always say yes might feel easier, but it’s not actually better.

The team members who make the biggest difference? They’re usually the ones who speak up when something doesn’t make sense. Who ask “why” when everyone else is nodding along. Who aren’t afraid to suggest a completely different approach.

They’re the ones who will tell you when your strategy has a blind spot you can’t see. Who will push back on decisions that might feel good in the moment but don’t serve the long-term vision. Who will save you from yourself when you’re about to make a mistake.

Building Teams That Challenge You

The best teams I’ve worked with,  ones that actually transform organizations and achieve things nobody thought possible, always include people who are willing to challenge ideas, to ask uncomfortable questions, to make sure decisions are being made for the right reasons.

Not because they’re contrarian or negative. But because they care enough to speak up.

Just like that woman at the job fair twenty years ago, the most valuable people are often the ones who don’t immediately jump at your first offer. Who make you earn their “yes.” Who push you to be clearer, sharper, more intentional about what you’re really asking for.

The Question That Matters

So let me ask you something:

Are you building a team of people who quickly say yes to everything you propose?

Or are you attracting people who will make you think more carefully about the decisions you’re making?

Because one of those approaches feels easier in the moment. But the other one? That’s what actually builds something that lasts.

Twenty years ago, I heard a laugh that changed my life. Not because she immediately said yes to what I was offering. But because she made me work harder, think deeper, and become better at understanding what really matters.

That’s the kind of person you want in your corner. In your business. On your team.

The ones who challenge you. The ones who push back. The ones whose “no” makes you better at earning their “yes.”

If you’re ready to build a team and a culture that values challenge over compliance, truth over comfort, and growth over agreement, that’s the work I do. Let’s talk about what that could look like in your organization.

Because the best partnerships don’t start with an easy yes. They start with someone brave enough to say no until you earn something better.

The Future is now

Jesus (Jes) Vargas is the Principal at DPMG Corp in Sacramento, CA. Jes and his team consult, coach and mentor business leaders in areas such as strategic planning, leadership development and Lean Thinking deployment. If you are concerned that there is not enough long-term strategic thinking going on in your organization, Jes can help. Call Jes at 916 712 6145. Or you can email him here.